Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
