Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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