its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
