Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
