the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
