My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize