Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
