i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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