apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
