if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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