You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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