ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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