i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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