I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
