hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
