I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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