you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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