Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
