If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
