Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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