She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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