dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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