By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My pussy is not your playground.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
