You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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