There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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