I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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