You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
