im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
