It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
