i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
