You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
