this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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