How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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