i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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