He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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