Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This is the high leading the old right now
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
