it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
