At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
