Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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