I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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