when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Shame - the story of my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
