Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
