never play flip cup with pint glasses
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
