I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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