Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
