I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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