I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
