My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
