Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
