Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
